let er rip

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let er rip

Post  Highplains Drifter on Sun Feb 12, 2012 1:18 am

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Re: let er rip

Post  Highplains Drifter on Sun Feb 12, 2012 5:08 pm

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Re: let er rip

Post  BC_boy on Sun Feb 26, 2012 7:33 pm

Lawrence , Kansas, December 12, 2008
A Kansas farm wife called the local phone company to report her telephone failed to ring when her friends called - and that on the few occasions, when it did ring, her dog always moaned right before the phone rang.

The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile lady. He climbed a telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house.

The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned and the telephone began to ring.

Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:

1 . The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire with a steel chain and collar.

2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.

3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the number was called.

4.. After a couple of jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate.

5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.

Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by
pissing and moaning.
Thought you'd like to know.
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Dating Protocol

Post  BC_boy on Thu Mar 01, 2012 8:11 pm

>>> Dating Protocol World Wide
>>>
>>>
>>> WHITE WOMEN:
>>> First date:
>>> You get to kiss her goodnight.
>>> Second date:
>>> You get to grope all over and make out a bit.
>>> Third date:
>>> You get to have sex but only when she wants to and only in the missionary position.
>>>
>>>
>>>
>>> SCOTTISH WOMEN:
>>> First Date:
>>> You both get blinding drunk and have sex.
>>> Second Date:
>>> You both get blinding drunk and have sex.
>>> 20th Anniversary:
>>> You both get blinding drunk and have sex.
>>>
>>>
>>> ITALIAN WOMEN:
>>> First Date:
>>> You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.
>>> Second Date:
>>> You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti & meatballs.
>>> Third Date:
>>> You have sex, she wants to marry you & insists on a 3-carat ring.
>>> 5th Anniversary:
>>> You already have 5 kids together & hate the thought of having sex.
>>> 6th Anniversary:
>>> You find yourself a Mistress.
>>>
>>>
>>> CHINESE WOMEN:
>>> First date:
>>> You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing happens.
>>> Second date:
>>> You buy her an even more expensive dinner. Nothing happens again.
>>> Third date:
>>> You don't even get to the third date and you realize nothing is ever going to happen.
>>>
>>>
>>> INDIAN WOMEN:
>>> First date: Meet her parents.
>>> Second date: Set the date of the wedding.
>>> Third date: Wedding night.
>>>
>>>
>>> BLACK WOMEN:
>>> First Date:
>>> You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.
>>> Second Date:
>>> You get to buy her and her girlfriends a real expensive dinner.
>>> Third Date:
>>> You get to pay her rent.
>>> Tenth Date:
>>> She's pregnant by someone other than you.
>>>
>>>
>>> MEXICAN WOMEN:
>>> First Date:
>>> You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on Tequila, and have sex in the back of her car.
>>> Second Date: She's pregnant.
>>> Third Date: She moves in. One week later, her mother, father, her two sisters, her brother, all of their kids, her grandma, >>> her sister's boyfriend and his three kids move in and you live on rice and beans for the rest of your life in your home that >>> used to be nice, but now looks like a home along the Tijuana strip.
>>>
>>> JEWISH WOMEN:
>>> First Date: You spend all your money to impress her.
>>> Second Date: You take a loan to keep the image
>>> Third Date: You're broke, she finds someone wealthier
>>>
>>>
>>> ARAB WOMEN:
>>> First Date: Mother, Father, Brothers, Sisters, Cousins, Aunts, Uncles, Friends and entire Arab community finds out.
>>> Second Date: You are shot dead in the street and your balls are fed to the goats.
>>> No third date:
>>>
>>>
>>> The POINT?
>>>
>>> 'DON'T YOU JUST LOVE SCOTTISH WOMEN?'
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It all began with an iPhone

Post  rcdallas on Thu Mar 01, 2012 10:27 pm

March was when our son celebrated his 17th birthday, and we got him an iPhone. He just loved it. Who wouldn't?



I celebrated my birthday in July, and my wife made me very happy when she bought me an iPad.



Our daughter's birthday was in August so we got her an iPod Touch.



My wife celebrated her birthday in September so I got her an iRon.



It was around then that the fight started...

I explained that the iRon can be integrated into the home network with the iWash, iCook and iClean. (This inevitably activates the iNag reminder service.)

I should be out of the hospital next week!!




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From 120 volts to Lightning Bolts - IBEW 220
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Re: let er rip

Post  Highplains Drifter on Mon Mar 05, 2012 3:02 am

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Re: let er rip

Post  BC_boy on Sat Mar 10, 2012 10:49 pm

A few days ago I was having some work done at my local garage. A blonde came in and asked for a "seven-hundred-ten".

We all looked at each other and another customer asked, 'What is a seven-hundred- ten?'


She replied, 'You know, the little piece in the middle of the engine, I have lost it and need a new one.'

She replied that she did not know exactly what it was, but this piece had always been there.

The mechanic gave her a piece of paper and a pen and asked her to draw what the piece looked like.

She drew a circle and in the middle of it wrote 710. He then took her over to a car just like hers which had its hood up and asked 'is there a 710 on this car?'.

She pointed and said, 'Of course, its right there.' the mechanic fainted

If you're not sure what a 710 is

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Re: let er rip

Post  hotwiretamer on Sun Mar 18, 2012 7:32 pm


Why Men Wear Earrings


Did you ever wonder why earrings became so popular with men?

A man is at work one day when he notices that his co-worker is wearing an earring.

The man knows his co-worker to be a normally conservative fellow, and is curious about his sudden change in "fashion sense"

The man walks up to him and says, "I didn't know you were into earrings."

"Don't make such a big deal, it's only an earring," he replies sheepishly.

His friend falls silent for a few minutes, but then his curiosity prods him to ask, "So, how long have you been wearing one?"

"Ever since my wife found it in my truck."

(I always wondered how this trend got started)

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Re: let er rip

Post  Highplains Drifter on Wed Mar 28, 2012 8:36 pm

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Re: let er rip

Post  Highplains Drifter on Mon Apr 02, 2012 6:17 am

Three nurses went to heaven, and were awaiting their turn with St. Peter to plead their case to enter the pearly gates. The first nurse said, "I worked in an emergency room. We tried our best to help patients, even though occasionally we did lose one. I think I deserve to go to heaven." St. Peter looks at her file and admits her to heaven. The second nurse says, "I worked in an operating room. It's a very high stress environment and we do our best. Sometimes the patients are too sick and we lose them, but overall we try very hard." St. Peter looks at her file and admits her to heaven. The third nurse says, "I was a case manager for an HMO." St. Peter looks at her file. He pulls out a calculator and starts punching away at it furiously, constantly going back to the nurse's file. After a few minutes St. Peter looks up, smiles, and says, "Congratulations! You've been admitted to heaven ... for five days!"

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Reppy moonlights as a repair man

Post  topgroove on Tue Apr 03, 2012 7:31 pm

looks like the garbage disposal was enough to make him drag up
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Re: let er rip

Post  Highplains Drifter on Wed May 09, 2012 6:51 pm

I changed my iPod name to Titanic. It's syncing now.


When chemists die, they barium.


Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.


A soldier who survived mustard gas and pepper spray is now a seasoned veteran.


I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.


How does Moses make his tea? Hebrews it.


I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.


This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.


I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I can't put it down.
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Re: let er rip

Post  Highplains Drifter on Wed May 09, 2012 6:53 pm

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.


They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type-O.


Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.


Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.


Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery.


I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.


Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?


What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.


I wondered why the baseball was
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Highplains Drifter

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Re: let er rip

Post  Highplains Drifter on Wed May 09, 2012 6:56 pm

I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.


They told me I had type A blood, but it was a Type-O.


Why were the Indians here first? They had reservations.


Class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.


Energizer bunny arrested. Charged with battery.


I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.


Did you hear about the cross eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?


What does a clock do when it's hungry? It goes back four seconds.


I wondered why the baseball wasgetting bigger. Then it hit me!


Broken pencils are pointless.


I tried to catch some fog. I mist.


What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.


England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool.


I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.


All the toilets in New York's police stations have been stolen. Police have nothing to go on.


I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.


Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.


Velcro - what a rip off!


Cartoonist found dead in home. Details aresketchy.


Venison for dinner? Oh deer!


Earthquake in Washington obviously government's fault.


I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not so sure.


Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.



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Re: let er rip

Post  Highplains Drifter on Thu May 31, 2012 4:30 pm

Batts and Door was at the Senior Center today and failed a Health and Safety course that was put on for the old fogies ...

One of the questions was: "In the event of a fire, what steps would you
take?"




"Fuckin' big ones" was apparently the wrong answer.....
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NO JOKE APPEARED IN RIO GRAND VALLEY NEWSPAPER

Post  BATTMAN on Sun Dec 16, 2012 11:13 pm


RIO GRANDE CITY — A booty call of another kind landed a man in police custody Wednesday after he tried to cash a $50 million check in his name “for the best sex ever.”

The 30-year-old man and his brother-in-law, 18, went to a local bank about 1:40 p.m. with hopes of buying a few luxury items — including an SUV for the teen, said Rio Grande City police Chief Dutch Piper.




The transaction raised some eyebrows.

Bank employees told the men they didn’t have that much cash under the mattress.

“Of course, the cashier said no,” Piper said of the man’s attempt to cash in on his services rendered.

A teller called Rio Grande City police, unsure of what to do. The men were still waiting in the lobby, hopeful of a payday, when officers arrived.

Piper said the man’s wife wrote the check to him as a “private joke,” saying it could be cashed once they won the lottery. The memo line on the check noted it was “for the best sex ever,” the chief said.

“I guess the guy took it seriously,” Piper said, laughing.

The pair won’t see a bed behind bars because of the stunt, though. No charges will be filed because they made no threats, nor was the check a forgery.

“We ended up releasing them because the checks were their own,” Piper said.

In his 39 years as a cop, Piper said Wednesday’s casual encounter didn’t quite rise to the level of a “dumb criminal” case.

“They didn’t even make it to that category,” the chief said.
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